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The Road to El Dorado/Transcript
lines, as the theme song begins by Elton John playing, then cut to Spain *'Cortes': the water up in his cup Today, we sail to conquer the new world, for Spain, for glory, for gold! *''crowd cheer'' *'Man': Viva Cortes! *''guns fire at the horse, spilling water on his shirt'' *'Cortes': Altivo, eyes forward. a cup at the poster at Miguel and Tulio, saying, "WANTED REWARD 100 DOUBLOONS" *'Tulio': Seven! *'Miguel': All right! Yes! *'Tulio': Partner! Hee-hee! the dice *'Miguel': singing Tons of gold for you! *'Tulio': Hey! singing Tons of gold for me! *'Zaragoza': Hey! *'Both': singing Tons of gold for we! *'Zaragoza': Hey! *''both stop dancing, then Miguel stops playing the guitar'' *'Zaragoza': One more roll! *''plucks his guitar'' *'Tulio': Uh, guys, you're broke! You got nothin' to bet with! *'Zaragoza': Oh, yeah? I got this! *'Man': A map! *'Tulio': A map? *'Miguel': A map! *'Zaragoza': A map of the wonders of the new world. *'Miguel': Wow! Let's have a look. at the map, grabbing it Uh, Tulio! *'Tulio': Excuse us, for one moment, please. *'Miguel': Tulio, look! El Dorado, the city of gold. This could be our destiny, our fate. *'Tulio': Miguel, if I believed in fate, I wouldn't be playing with loaded dice. *'Miguel': Hmmm. *'Tulio': Not the face. No, no, no, no, no. No! No! No! No! No! No! *''pants like a dog'' *'Zaragoza': the map I said one more roll! My map against your cash. *'Miguel': Hmm? *'Tulio': All right, peewee. You're on! *'Zaragoza': Not with those! This time we use my dice. Ehh, got a problem with that? *'Tulio': his head No. the dice, whispering to Miguel I'm going to kill you. *''map lands on the coins, then Miguel starts playing on the guitar'' *'Tulio': Come on, baby. Papa needs that crappy map. *''plays a guitar by the woman, giggling, then Tulio hands a dice to a woman, walking away, blowing his dice'' *'Tulio': Miguel Stop that! *''stops playing on his guitar'' *'Tulio': Show me seven! *''looks at the dice, spinning around, landing on the ground, then they all cheer'' *'Tulio': Seven! *'Miguel': All right! *'Tulio': Seven! *''groans, then Miguel grabs a map by Zaragoza'' *'Tulio': laughing There it is! Well, nice doing business with you! *''dice roll on the ground by Zaragoza'' *'Zaragoza': on the ground I knew it! *''grabs the dice by Zaragoza, then Miguel continues playing his guitar'' *'Zaragoza': Your dice are loaded! *'Tulio': the guitar by Miguel What? You gave me loaded dice? face hits on the guard He gave me loaded dice! Guard, arrest him! *'Miguel': You dare to impugn my honor? He was the one who was cheating? Arrest him! He tricked these sailors and took their money! *'Tulio': Oh, now I'm the thief? *'Miguel': Yes. *'Tulio': Take a look in the mirror, pal! *'Miguel': Oh, you better give them that money back, or I'll... a sword out En garde! *'Tulio': En garde, yourself. I will give you the honor of a quick and painless death. a small sword But not with that. a big sword out Ha! I prefer to fight fairly. Aha! *''both fight'' *'Tulio': Well, any last words? *'Miguel': I will cut you to ribbons, fool! *'Tulio': Such mediocrity. *'Miguel': Let your sword do the talking. I will. It will be loquacious to a fault! *'Tulio': Ha! Take that! *''both fight their swords, jumping on a table'' *'Tulio': You, mincing, fencing, twit. *'Miguel': Ah, you fight like my sister. *'Tulio': I fought your sister. That's a compliment. *'Miguel': Braggart! *'Tulio': Heathen! on a roof, breaking the piece, falling down *'Man': Kill him! *'Miguel': Not the face. Not the face. another sword *''all gasp and clamor'' *'Tulio': Ladies and gentlemen, we've decided it's a draw. *'Miguel': swords at the guard Thank you all for coming. You've been great. See you seen. *'Tulio': Adios! *''both fall to the ground'' *'Miguel': Congratulations. You're very good. *'Tulio': No. That was good. *'Both': Very... *''bull appears at Tulio and Miguel, gasping, then mooing, then snorting'' *'Miguel': We should have kept our swords, I think. *'Tulio': Yeah. whispering Yeah, I've got a plan. What is it? Uh, well... Uh, you pet him... *'Miguel': Yeah. *'Tulio': ...and I'll run! *''both start running'' *'Miguel': Uh, well, thanks a lot! *''bull charges at Tulio and Miguel, climbing up on a wall, knocking the wall, sliding down, running at the men'' *'Man': There they are! *''bull appears, then the men run away, then the bull continues charging at Tulio and Miguel, the the guards appear, taking the swords out, then they go inside with a woman screaming'' *'Tulio': Bye. Thank you! *''guards gasp, then the bull knocks the guards over, with pieces flying in the air, with a hat rolling down the stairs, then they climb up, then they swing down, with clothes falling on the guards, then they land on the building, shooting arrows at them, then they look down at the barrels filled with water'' *'Miguel': I'll bet we can make that. *''both look at the guards'' *'Guard': There they are! *'Tulio': Two pesetas says we can't. *''both jump in the barrels'' *'Miguel': You're on! *''both fall in the barrels'' *'Miguel': offscreen You lose! *''throws coins at Miguel, then they close the barrels, then they carry on a ship'' *'Tulio': offscreen Whoa! What's happening here? *'Miguel': offscreen We're both in barrels. That's the extent of my knowledge. *''man lowers the barrels on the ship, then the men roll the barrels, putting the barrels on the floor, then they spit their corks out'' *'Tulio': Okay, Miguel, we gotta move fast. On three, we jump out and we head for the dock. *'Miguel': Good. Good. Okay. Excellent. *'Both': One, two, three. *''men put the chest on the boat'' *'Both': grunting Three! Three! Ohh! Three! *''at night, showing the half moon'' *'Tulio': offscreen Uh, you ready? Ah, okay. One more. Let's go. *'Both': One, two, three! *''pop out their barrels, then they hear a fly buzzing and the wind whistling'' *'Tulio': Excuse us. *'Miguel': Okay. We're outta here. *'Tulio': Who ordered the, uh, pickles? *''guards lock Tulio and Miguel'' *'Miguel': Cortes! *'Cortes': My crew was as carefully chosen as the disciples of Christ. his knuckles And I will not tolerate stowaways. *''gulps'' *'Cortes': You will be flogged. And when we put Cuba to resupply, God willing, you will be flogged some more, and then enslaved on the sugar plantations for the rest of your miserable lives. To the brig. *'Miguel': All right! Cuba! *''guard carries Tulio and Miguel to the brig, then cut to the ships, then the man whistles, carrying apples to Altivo, chuckling, then nickering'' *'Man': Hey, Altivo! Ah-ta-ta, not for you! You're on half rations. Orders from Cortes. *''apple drops on Miguel, gasps, then Miguel looks at Tulio banging on the wall'' *'Miguel': So, uh, how's the... How's the escape plan coming? *'Tulio': All right. All right. Wait! I'm getting something. *'Miguel': Yeah. *'Tulio': banging his head on the wall Okay! Here's the plan. In the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions... *'Miguel': Mm-hm. *'Tulio': ...hijack one of those longboats, and then we row back to Spain like there's no manana! *'Miguel': Back to Spain, yeah? *'Tulio': Yeah? *'Miguel': In a rowboat. *'Tulio': You got it! *'Miguel': Great. Sensational. And that-that's your plan, is it? *'Tulio': That's pretty much it. *'Miguel': Well, I like it. So, how do we got on deck? *'Tulio': Umm. In the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions, hijack one of those longboats... *'Miguel': Uh, great. *'Tulio': Well, okay, what's your idea, smart guy? *'Miguel': What do you mean? Don't ask me that! You're the one with the plans. *''hear Altivo whinnying'' *'Miguel': Wait, I... I have an idea. Uh, come on. Give me. Give me a boost. the apple Hey, Altivo. *''toss the apple back and forth'' *'Miguel': Altivo. You want a nice apple? Come and get it. *''walks to Miguel'' *'Miguel': You have to do a trick for me first. *''shakes his head'' *'Miguel': All you have to do is find a pry bar. A long piece of iron with a hooky thing at the end. Got it? *'Tulio': Miguel, you're talking to a horse! *'Miguel': That's it, Altivo, find the pry bar. *'Tulio': Yes, find the pry bar. He can't understand "pry bar." He's a dumb horse. There's no way... *''drops the keys in the brig, then they look down'' *'Tulio': Well, it's not a pry bar. *''at night, closing the top, then Miguel walks backwards, then Tulio takes the bag and barrel, then Altivo taps Miguel'' *'Miguel': Oh, Altivo. Oh, thank you, old boy. Listen, if we can ever return the favor... *''sniffs at Miguel'' *'Tulio': For Pete's sake, Miguel, he's a ruthless warhorse, not a poodle. Come on, before he licks you to death. *'Miguel': Altivo Adios. *''whines, then he goes in a boat, then he looks in a boat'' *'Miguel': Shh, shh. Shh. Quiet, please. *'Tulio': What's the matter with him? *'Miguel': Oh, he wants his apple. Well, give it to him before he wakes the whole ship! *'Tulio': Fetch! an apple at Altivo, bouncing on the curtain, the pole, the telescope, then the apple splashes in the water, then Altivo dives in the water to try to get the apple *'Miguel': Altivo! *'Tulio': Huh? Miguel! *''dives in the water, then the boat lands in the water'' *'Miguel': Altivo, I'm coming! *'Tulio': Miguel! Just hang on! *'Miguel': I'm right here, old boy! *'Tulio': Have you lost your mind? *'Miguel': Help is coming! *'Tulio': seeing a ship Holy ship! *''ship knocks Tulio and Miguel, splashing in the water, then they all gasp, then the crate breaks'' *'Tulio': Loop the rope under the horse! *'Miguel': Yes! an inhale, swimming underwater, grabbing Tulio *'Tulio': On the count of three, pull back on the rope. *'Miguel': What? gasping *'Tulio': Three! *''ship splashes on Tulio and Miguel'' *'Tulio': Pull! *''and Miguel fall in the water, then they hold on the crate'' *'Miguel': Tulio! Hey, it worked! *''climb on the boat'' *'Tulio': Did any of the supplies make it? *'Miguel': Well, uh, yes and no. *''eats the carrot'' *'Tulio': Oh, great! *'Miguel': Tulio. Look on the positive side. At least things can't get... *''hear a clap of thunder, and it starts pouring rain'' *'Tulio': Excuse me. We're you going to say "worse"? *'Miguel': No. *'Tulio': No? *'Miguel': No. *'Tulio': You're sure? *'Miguel': Absolutely not. I've revised the whole thing. *'Tulio': Okay, because... Yeah, we're at least in a rowboat. *'Miguel': We're in a rowboat, exactly. You miss nothing. *''all look at the shark fins, then they continue rowing, then hearing a clap of thunder, with waves moving, then they hear a seagull, then the seagull lands on a paddle, coughing, laying down, then they smack their lips, then the shark eats the seagull on a paddle, then they all sob, then cut to evening, then they continue rowing the boat'' *'Miguel': Tulio, did you ever imagine it would end like this? *'Tulio': The horse is a surprise. *'Miguel': Any regrets? *'Tulio': Besides dying? Yeah. I never had enough gold. *'Miguel': My regret, besides dying, is our greatest adventure is over before it began, and no one will even remember us. *'Tulio': Well, if it's any consolation, Miguel, you made my life an adventure. sobbing *'Miguel': And if it's any consolation, Tulio... his nose ...you made my life rich. *''scoffs and sputters, then they both sob, then the boat lands on the sand, then they take their sands, dropping it, then Tulio shakes his sand'' *'Miguel': Is it? *'Tulio': Hmm. It is! It's... It's... It's... It's... It's... *'Both': It's land! *''all get out of the boat, then they lick the sand, then Miguel kisses a skull with a sword on it, then they both scream, then Altivo whinnies'' *'Tulio': All in favor of getting back in the boat, say "aye." *'Miguel': Aye! *'Tulio': Aye! Go! *''nickers, they they walk to a boat, then Miguel walks to an ocean, looking at it, grabbing a map, looking at it, looking at the parrot stone'' *'Tulio': Hey, Miguel! I could use a little help! Miguel! Hello! *'Miguel': Tulio! We've done it! *'Tulio': What's that? The map? *'Miguel': It's all right here! *'Tulio': You still have the map? *'Miguel': The whistling rock! The stream! *'Tulio': You kept the map, but you couldn't grab a little more food? *'Miguel': Even those mountains. You said so yourself: It could be possible. And it is! It really is the map to El Dorado! panting *'Tulio': Miguel You drank seawater, didn't you? *'Miguel': Oh, come on! *'Tulio': I'm not coming on! I wouldn't set foot in that jungle for a million pesetas! *'Miguel': How about a hundred million? *'Tulio': What? *'Miguel': I just sought that, after all, since El Dorado is the city of gold. *'Tulio': What's your point? *'Miguel': You know, dust, nuggets, bricks, a temple of gold where you can pluck gold from the very walls. But you don't want to go, so let's get back to the boat and row back to Spain. After all, it worked so well last time. *'Tulio': gibberish Wait! Mmm. Wait a minute. New plan. We find the city of gold. We take the gold, and then we go back to Spain. *'Miguel': And buy Spain! *'Tulio': Yeah! *'Miguel': That's the spirit! the sword Come on, Tulio. We'll follow that trail! *'Tulio': What trail? *'Miguel': the vines The trail that we blaze! *''vines fall down, revealing a rock, long pause'' *'Miguel': That trail that we blaze! *''music begins "The Trail We Blaze" by Elton John playing'' *'Tulio': a leash Oh, no, you don't. *''bites Tulio's butt'' *'Tulio': Yeow! Your horse bit me in the butt! *''snake hisses at Bibo, chopping the snake, then they walk down, pointing right'' *'Miguel': Charge! *''rides down, stopping by Tulio, then Tulio grabs a map by Miguel, looking at the map'' *'Tulio': What are you looking at? at Bibo *''carries Tulio, riding down, going to the bird, then Miguel looks at a map, then Tulio walks away by Miguel, chopping the leaves, then Tulio jumps in the water, then Miguel takes the bugs off of Tulio, the Tulio walks on the rocks, then the fish bites Tulio's butt, running away, then Miguel brings a fish to Tulio'' *'Miguel': Dinner is served. *'Tulio': Hello. *''and Miguel jump in the water, then the monkey looks at Tulio and Miguel in the water, then the monkeys put clothes on, then the monkey puts his pants on, then the monkeys run away, then they get out, running away to try put the clothes back on, the the monkeys wave at Tulio, Miguel and Altivo, after they put clothes back on, then they look around, then they walk on a log, then they hear a thunderclap, starting to pour rain, then they ride down, leaping on stones, then Miguel looks at a map, then Tulio grabs a map, then they walk down, then the butterflies fly out, then they all walk up, then walking down, then the wood breaks, then they all fall down, then Bibo falls down, hitting the stone, then the map lands on Tulio, looking at it, looking around'' *'Tulio': Hmm. the stone Miguel. Miguel, wake up. We're there. Oh, yeah. We found it. We found it? *'Miguel': Oh! Fantastic! Where is it? How far? *'Tulio': Right here! *'Miguel': Where? *'Tulio': Here. *'Miguel': Behind the rock? *'Tulio': No, no. This is it. *'Miguel': grabbing a map Give me that! This ca... What? *'Tulio': Apparently, "El Dorado" is native for "great, big, rock!" echoing Rock! Rock! Rock! Rock! Rock! Hey, but I tell you what, I'm feeling generous, so you can have my share! *'Miguel': You don't think Cortes could've gotten here before us, and... *'Tulio': And what? Taken all the really big rocks? The scoundrel! *'Miguel': Tulio, you... We have to think about this. We've come all this way, and we should really, you know... *'Tulio': Get on the horse! *''sighs'' *'Tulio': No, no, no, not with the face. Miguel up Stop. throat Looks like there's a pass right over there. *''runs up to Tulio and Miguel, bumping to Altivo, then Altivo walks backwards, then the guards run up, then they gasp'' *'Both': Hyah! *''guards stop by Tulio and Miguel, then Altivo snorts, then Chel throws a rock to Tulio, then Tulio throws a rock to Chel, then throwing the rock back and forth'' *'Tulio': chuckling I've... *''rock hits Tulio'' *'Tulio': Uh, hello. Is this your rock? Sorry. We were just looking. We're, uh... We're tourists! Tourist. throat We lost our group. May we go now? *''points at Tulio, gasping'' *'Tulio': chuckling Spears. *''points the spear, then the guards follow by Acolyte, the Bibo looks at the stone, then the guard takes the rock to Chel'' *'Chel': Hey! Hey! *''looks at the guards, looking at the guards, then Acolyte walks in the waterfall, then they walk in the cave, then they get off of Altivo, then they walk in the boat, then Chel sits in the boat, then Miguel whistles, then the rocks fall down, then they look at the vines, gasping, then they all look at the light, gasping'' *'Miguel': Oh, my... It's... It's... *'Both': whispering El Dorado. *''boats continue riding down, with butterflies flying up, then Miguel looks at the fish, then Altivo puts a tail in the boat, then a boy walking with a woman with a pot, dropping it, then Bibo swims in a backstroke, then the boat arrives at the building, with a man running in the building, then cut to Chief, with a man whispering at Chief, then Acolyte walks in a building by Tzekel-Kan, chanting, then Acolyte whispers to Tzekel-Kan, pushing Acolyte, then cut back to Tulio and Miguel, walking up to the building'' *'Tulio': Well, it was nice working with you, partner. *'Miguel': Tulio, I just want you to know. I'm sorry about that girl in Barcelona. *'Tulio': So... You... You, f... *'Tzekel-Kan': Behold! As the prophesies foretold, the time of judgement is now! *''both gasp, then Chief walks by Tzekel-Kan'' *'Tzekel-Kan': Citizens, did I not predict that the gods would come to us? *''all look around'' *'Miguel': Hmm. *'Tzekel-Kan': chuckling My lords, I am Tzekel-Kan, your devoted high priest and speaker for the gods. *'Tulio': Hey. *'Chief': I am Chief Tannabok. What names may we call you? *'Miguel': Huh? I am Miguel. *'Tulio': And I am Tulio. *'Miguel': off of Altivo, getting tangled up by the foot And they call us Miguel and Tulio! *'Tzekel-Kan': Your arrival has been greatly anticipated. *'Chief': My lords, how long will you be staying in El Dorado? *''looks up'' *'Tzekel-Kan': Aha! Chel I see you've captured this temple-robbing thief. Chel How would you have us punish her? *'Chel': Oh, no, no, no, no, no! My lord, I am not a thief. See, the gods sent me vision to bring them tribute from the temple to guide them here. My only wish is to serve the gods. *''continues holding Chel'' *'Tulio': Release her, don't ya think? *'Tzekel-Kan': go of Chel Then you will begin by returning this to its rightful place. *''climbs out of the water'' *'Chief': My lords, why now do you choose to visit us? *'Tzekel-Kan': Enough! You do not question, the gods! *'Miguel': That's right! Do not question us, or we shall have to unleash our awesome and terrible power! And you don't want that! *'Tzekel-Kan': Well, yes! We do! *'Miguel': You do? *'Tzekel-Kan': Of course we do! Visit your wrath upon this nonbeliever! Show us the truth of your divinity! *'Tulio': Divinity! One moment. *''all walk down'' *'Tulio': Miguel, you know that little voice people have that tells them to quit when they're ahead? You don't have one! *'Miguel': Well, I'm sorry. I just got carried away! *'Tulio': Way away! *'Miguel': Maybe we should tell the truth and then beg for mercy. *'Tulio': Are you nuts? We'd be butchered alive! *'Miguel': Yes, but they're getting suspicious. And if we don't come up with some mega-cosmic event... *''volcano continues rumbling, then erupting'' *'Tulio': I'm trying! I'm trying! I can't think with all these distractions! *'Miguel': You... Horse... Think horse. Think, think, think. I'm on the verge of... *'Tulio': Stop! echoing Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! *''smoke goes back in the volcano, then coughing, then they gasp, then they look around, then they put their hands out, then they all chant'' *'Miguel': Acolyte Don't make me start it up again, 'cause I will. *''bows down, then they walk to Tzekel-Kan, bowing down, then Chief bows down'' *'Tzekel-Kan': O mighty lords! Come. Let me show you to your temple. *'Miguel': All right! Temple. *'Tzekel-Kan': Chief Step aside. up the stairs *''all walk up the stairs, then they walk in the building, then Tulio and Miguel climb up, then Chief and Tzekel-Kan look at Tulio and Miguel, then Altivo climbs up, then they open a curtain, then they bow, then they go in'' *'Tzekel-Kan': To commemorate your arrival, I propose a reverent ceremony at dawn. *'Chief': Ah, then perhaps I could prepare a glorious feast for you tonight. *'Tzekel-Kan': Which would you prefer? *'Miguel': Both. *'Tulio': Both. *'Both': Both. *'Miguel': Both is good. *'Chief': My lords. *'Tzekel-Kan': My lords. *''both close the curtain'' *'Tzekel-Kan': And so dawns the Age of the Jaguar. Happy new year. walking away by Chief *''back to Tulio and Miguel'' *'Miguel': Hey! *'Tulio': Hey. Hey. *''laughs, tapping Tulio, then they laugh, then Altivo walks on the water'' *'Miguel': Tulio. Tulio. They actually think we're gods. *'Tulio': It's an entire city of suckers. *''looks at Miguel, Tulio, and Altivo'' *'Tulio': We just have to keep this up long enough, to load up on the gold and then get the hell out of here! *'Miguel': Tulio, we'll be living like kings! *'Tulio': Miguel and Tulio! *'Miguel': Tulio and Miguel! Mighty and powerful... *'Both': ...gods. *'Chel': Hello. *''both gasp and whimper, then Chel laughs'' *'Tulio': Depart, mortal, before we strike you with a lightning bolt. *'Miguel': hums Beware the wrath of the gods! Begone! sound *'Chel': Save it for the high priest, honey. You're going to need it. *''clicking sounds'' *'Tulio': Miguel, it's not working. *''click sounds again'' *'Tulio': Miguel! We've been caught. *'Chel': Oh, no. Don't worry about me, boys. "My only wish is to serve the gods." Remember? *'Tulio': How? *'Chel': Well, if you guys want the gold, then you don't want to get caught, right? You're going to need my help. *'Miguel': What makes you think we need your help? *'Chel': "Ck-ck." Are you serious? *''whinnies'' *'Miguel': I... What... We... Okay. So, uh, who are you? *'Tulio': Yeah, uh, what's your angle? *'Chel': laughs No angle. I want in. *'Tulio': In? *'Chel': On the scam. *'Tulio': chuckling There's no scam! Why would you think there's a... Miguel Why? *'Chel': So I can get out. *'Miguel': I thought she just said she wanted in? *'Tulio': She wants in so she can get out. *'Miguel': Aha! Got it. Why? *'Chel': Think you're the only ones who dream of better things? Of adventure? You've got your reasons, and I've got mine. Let's not make it personal, okay? It's just business. *'Both': Oh. *'Chel': So when you guys are ready to go back to wherever you cam from, I'm going with you. *'Tulio': laughing No! Don't think so. *''coughs, then Tulio whistles'' *'Chel': All right. Fine. After all, I'm sure you know the proper rituals for blessing a tribute, the holiest days on the calendar... Oh, and of course you know all about Xibalba. chuckling Okay? Good luck. away by Tulio See you at the execution. *'Tulio': gibberish Wait! Ho... Would you... Hold it. *'Chel': Deal? *'Tulio': Hmm. *'Miguel': Deal. *'Tulio': Miguel Not yet. Let's just see how this works out. *'Chel': Uh-huh. Well, then I suppose that means you'll want these back? *'Tulio': the dice How'd you get those? *'Miguel': Where was she keeping them? *'Chel': Call me, Chel, your new partner. away *'Tulio': Uh, that's partner-in-training. *'Chel': the blankets Now put these on. Your public's waiting. away by Tulio and Miguel *''takes the vest off, then Miguel takes the shirt off'' *'Tulio': Chel Do you mind? *'Chel': No. Oh! Oh! Oh! Right. Uh, excuse me. *''takes his shoe off'' *'Chel': Bye. the curtain *'Miguel': Mm-mm-mmm! Maybe they should call this place "Chel Dorado." *'Tulio': chuckling She's whoo... Whoa! She's in trouble! Wait a minute! *'Miguel': What? *'Tulio': The little voice. Remember the little voice? Just for a second imagine that you have one. What would it be saying about Chel? *''purrs'' *'Tulio': No. No. Listen. We are partners. *'Miguel': We are partners. *'Tulio': We have a plan, remember? *'Miguel': Get the gold. Go back to Spain. *'Tulio': Yes! And we are pretending to be gods. Now, put Chel in the mix. What is the voice saying? Listen, carefully. *'Miguel': Chel is off-limits, hmm? *'Tulio': Bravo! Chel is off-limits! Miguel Shake on it. Off-limits. *'Miguel': Mm. Mm. *'Both': Mmmm. *'Miguel': Besides, we're supposed to be gods. We must avoid giving in temptation. *'Tulio': Gods. Oh. This is going to be tougher than I thought. *'Miguel': Tulio, relax! All you have to do is smile, act godly and follow my lead. *''gasps'' *'Chief': Big smile. Like you mean it. A-one, two, three. *''Tough to Be a God" begins'' *'Tulio': singing I hardly think I'm qualified. To come across all sanctified. I just don't cut it with the cherubim. *''baby bites Tulio's finger'' *'Miguel': Tulio, what are you talking about? singing There again, they're on their knees. Being worshipped is a breeze. Which rather suits us in. The interim. *'Tulio': singing Interim, interim, it's me and him. Oh, my God! *'All': singing It's tough to be a god! *'Tulio': singing Tread where mortals have not trod. Be deified when really you're a sham! *''bites the fruit'' *'Tulio': singing Be an object of devotion, be the subject of psalms! *'Miguel': singing It's a rather touching notion! All those prayers and those salaams! *'Tulio': singing And who am I to bridle? If I'm forced to be an idol? If they say that I'm a god. That's what I am! What's more if we don't comply, with the locals' wishes, I can see us being sacrificed. Or stuffed. *'Miguel': You have a point there. Very good thinking. singing So let's be gods! The perks are great! *'Tulio': Yeah! *'Miguel': singing El Dorado on our plates. *'Tulio': Thank you. *'Miguel': singing Local feelings should not be rebuffed. *'Tulio': singing Never rebuffed. I never rebuff a local feeling. No, my friend. *'All': singing It's tough to be a god! But if you get the people's nod! Count your blessings! Yeah, keep 'em sweet! That's our advice! *'Miguel': It's great advice! *'All': singing Be a symbol of perfection! Be a legend, be a cult! Take their praise, take a collection! As the multitudes exalt! *'Miguel': singing Don a supernatural habit! *'Tulio': singing We'd be crazy not to grab it! *'Miguel': You got it! *'All': singing So sign on two new gods for paradise! Paradise! *''both tap their cups, then Chief dances with the group, then Altivo dances, laying down on the ground, fade to black, then cut to Tulio and Miguel sleeping, then Tzekel-Kan appears, then they both gasp'' *'Tzekel-Kan': Good morning, my lords! *'Miguel': He's back! *'Tulio': Oh, no. *'Tzekel-Kan': And now it's my turn! The gods have awakened! *''all cheer, then Tulio falls to the ground'' *'Tulio': Mm-hmm. *''throws flower petals on the ground'' *'Tulio': Hey, Chel, what's going on? *'Chel': It's not gonna be good. *'Tulio': Thank you. *'Tzekel-Kan': This city has been granted a great blessing. And what have we done to show our gratitude? A meager celebration. The god's deserve a proper tribute! *''woman reveal a bag, then they shake their head'' *'Tzekel-Kan': The beginning of a new era, the dawning of a new age, demands, sacrifice! *''bag reveals a man, then they all gasp'' *'Tulio': I don't like this. *'Miguel': Tulio, we've got to do something. *''pushes the man, raising his axe'' *'Tulio': Stop! This is not a proper tribute! *'Tzekel-Kan': You do not want the tribute? *'Miguel': No. No, no. We want tribute. Uh, it's just that, uh... Tulio, tell him. *'Tulio': The stars are not in position for this tribute! *'Miguel': Like he says, the stars... Can't do it. Not today. *'Tzekel-Kan': Ah. Perhaps it is impossible I misread the heavens. *'Miguel': Don't worry about it. To err is human, to forgive... Hmm. *'Chief': My lords, may the people of El Dorado offer you our tribute. at the women carrying gold *''gasps, looking at the people holding gold'' *'Chief': My lords, does this please you? *''sighs'' *'Miguel': Yes, very nice. *'Tulio': Certainly acceptable. *'Miguel': Yes, lovely. It'll do. *'Chief': The gods have chosen! To Xibalba? *''crowd murmur'' *'Chel': No. No. *'Both': To Xibalba! *'Chel': Oh, great. *''woman throws gold in the whirlpool, then they look at the gold falling in the whirlpool'' *'Miguel': Hey, Chel, um, what are they doing? *'Chel': They're sending it Xibalba, the spirit world. *''gold continues falling the whirlpool'' *'Tulio': The spirit world. *'Chel': I'll take care of it. throat Um, excuse me, Chief. The gods have changed their minds about Xibalba. They wish to bask in the reverence that has been shown them. *'Chief': Stop! *''woman natives stop throwing gold in the whirlpool, then a gold plate rolls by Tulio, and stops it with his foot'' *'Chief': They wish to bask! Take the tribute to the gods' temple! *''walks by Tulio and Miguel'' *'Tulio': Nice going. *''all walk in, then Chief chuckles'' *'Tzekel-Kan': Smile while you can. *''to Cortes, breaking a skull'' *'Cortes': around Well, well, well, what have we here? chuckle *''back to El Dorado'' *'Tulio': Ai-ai-ai. *'Miguel': singing Tons of gold for you, hah! *'Tulio': singing And tons of gold for me, hoo! *'Both': singing And tons of gold for we, ah! *'Tulio': Not bad for a day's work, eh? *'Miguel': Not bad at all. *'Tulio': Yeah. We just became richer than the king of Spain. laughing *'Miguel': You know, speaking of kings, the chief and the high priest seem a bit, uh, tense. *'Tulio': Buenos Dias! Listen, all we have to do is keep playing the one against the other. You know, do a little god dance, chant some mystic mumbo jumbo, dazzle 'em with some smoke and mirrors and then get the hell back to Spain. *'Miguel': Um, Tulio, how are we gonna get all this back to Spain? *'Tulio': Ummm... *'Chief': A boat? *'Tulio': Yeah. *'Miguel': Um, we really hate to be ascending so soon, but, uh, some urgent business has come up, family matters, you know, and it's just a bit... *'Tulio': Yeah, family. *'Miguel': Badda-bing, budda-boom, you know what I mean? *'Chief': Oh, we expected you to be staying with us for the next thousand years. *'Tulio': Well, as we say in the spirit world, there's your plan and then, there's the gods' plan. *'Miguel': Mm-hmm. *'Tulio': And our plan, uh, calls for a boat, 'cause we're gonna ascend kind of in a horizontal pattern at first. *''chuckles'' *'Tulio': And then we're gonna go vertical, uh, as we get further out to sea. *'Chief': Hmm. To build a boat large and glorious enough, would take about a week. *'Tulio': A week? Hmm. *'Miguel': Um... *'Tulio': Uh, I wonder how long it would take Tzekel-Kan to do it. *'Chief': But... But for the gods, uh, three days. *'Tulio': Uh... *'Miguel': Well, if that's the best you can do. *'Chief': Oh, perhaps if you were not burdened with so much tribute, you could leave sooner. *'Miguel': Hmm? *'Tulio': Hmm? I like it here. Miguel? *'Miguel': Yep, yep. Three days is just fine. *'Tulio': gold up No, three days is not fine. This is a real... *'Chel': Mmm. *'Tulio': ...these, these are the ones, problem. *'Chel': Oh, thank you. *'Tulio': Miguel Miguel, how are we gonna keep this up for three days? *'Miguel': yawning You worry too much. *'Tulio': No, I worry exactly the right amount. You can never worry too much. We just have to lie low. *'Miguel': But, Tulio, this place is amazing! I mean, I wonder what's... *'Tulio': No! Don't even move! *'Miguel': Tulio... *'Tulio': You're moving! *'Miguel': A little bit, but, just... *'Tulio': Hey! Hey! Hey! *'Miguel': Come on. *'Tulio': stammering Stay! *'Miguel': I gotta... I... I just... *'Tulio': groans Just stand there! *'Miguel': For three days? down, clattering *'Tulio': Yes! Exactly. For three days. Don't even breathe. All right? *'Miguel': his shirt All right. We lie low. *'Tulio': No, ah, ah, ah, ah. Promise? *'Miguel': Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, all right. *'Tulio': Great! Good. Okay. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to gloat over my gold. *''giggles, then Tulio kisses the gold'' *'Tulio': Oh, yum, yum, yum. *'Chel': by Miguel It's beautiful, isn't it? *'Miguel': Yeah! *'Chel': You know, you really shouldn't miss it. *'Miguel': I know. But I couldn't. *'Chel': Go ahead. I'll cover for you. *'Miguel': Oh, good. Thanks. away by Chel So, what happened to Altivo? *'Chel': I don't know. *'Tulio': singing Tulio goes for paradise! spoken Hey, what happened to Miguel? *'Chel': I don't know. *'Tulio': the gold Oh, my God! He's gone! Miguel's gone! He's loose! What am I going to do? Oh, no, no! sobbing *'Chel': Oh, Miguel is right. You worry too much. *'Tulio': groaning Oh. Ooh. moaning Oh, yeah. Oh, oh, down, down, down, down. *''hums'' *'Tulio': No! No! Big trouble. up Big trouble. chuckling Whoa! Look, sweetheart, we're in the middle of a con here, walking the razor's edge. On the one hand, gold! On the other hand, painful, agonizing failure! throat I can't afford any tempta... uh, distractions. So, I'm sorry. So sorry. a sharp inhale But perhaps another time? Another place, hmm? *'Chel': chuckling Too bad. I'm free now. *'Tulio': I'm not really sure I trust you. *'Chel': I'm not really asking you to trust me. Am I? *'Tulio': Whoo. 'Kay. Chel, moaning Ooh, yeah. *''to Miguel, walking down, looking at the birds, then looking at the people running, then walking to Acolyte'' *'Miguel': Acolyte Excuse me. Excuse me? Hey, where is everybody? *'Acolyte': They've been cleared for the streets, my lord, so the city can be cleansed, as you ordered. *'Miguel': Cleansed? *'Acolyte': Yes. So the Age of the Jaguar can begin, as you ordered, my lord. *'Man': Get back in! Where are you going? *'Miguel': Hey! Hey, stop that! *'Man': Move! *'Miguel': Hey, stop that! What are you doing? Stop that! *'Acolyte': But, my lord, anyone who disobeys your orders must be punished, as your ordered. *'Miguel': It seems I've been giving a lot of orders, haven't I? *'Acolyte': Tzekel-Kan has made your commands clear, my lord. *'Miguel': Really? Here's an order: Take the day off. *'Man': Huh? *'Miguel': Are you all right? *''man pants'' *'Miguel': Here. *''man hands the gold'' *'Miguel': Oh, no! It's all right, please. *''man runs away by Miguel, then tripping on the wood, with instruments falling down, then Miguel plays the guitar'' *'Miguel': Hey, Altivo. There you are. *''kids gasp, then playing the guitar, then the kids watch Miguel playing a guitar, then they chuckle, then the men watch Miguel playing a guitar, then the music begins "Without Question" by Elton John playing, then taking a guitar to the man, then walking away, looking at the fish, looking at the people, then the men spin around, then Miguel spins around, then the man takes a bowl to Miguel, then feeding the birds, then the flamingo eats the bird feed, then walking down on a turtle, then putting a domino on the floor, then knocking the dominoes down, revealing the sun, running away, looking at Altivo, with a brown ball passing at Miguel, then the kids play with a brown ball, looking at the children, throwing a brown ball up, then the children play with a ball, taking it to Miguel, then bouncing on the knee, and the butt, then they run down, then Tzekel-Kan and Acolyte watch Miguel and the children with a brown ball bouncing on his knee'' *'Tzekel-Kan': at a book'' Hmm. This is not what I expected. Perhaps Lord Tulio will enlighten me. the book away, chuckling, licking on his tongue, smearing on the head How do I look? *'''Acolyte: Oh, uh... Well, you... *'Tzekel-Kan': Oh, shut up. *'Tulio': gasping Oh! Whoa! *'Tzekel-Kan': My lord? *''get up'' *'Tzekel-Kan': Hello? *'Chel': Tulio down The high priest. *'Tulio': Ow! *'Chel': What's he gonna think if he finds one of the gods like this with me? *'Tulio': Uh, lucky god? *'Chel': Just... Tulio *'Tzekel-Kan': Hello? *''kicks Tulio, then Chel hides down'' *'Tulio': Oh, Tzekel-Kan! What brings you here? *'Tzekel-Kan': I humbly request an audience with you, my lord. *'Tulio': Lord, yes, what can I do for you? *'Tzekel-Kan': My lord, I have just seen Lord Miguel out among the people. *'Tulio': Really? *'Tzekel-Kan': If I may be so bold as to offer some advice. *'Tulio': All right. Shoot. *'Tzekel-Kan': throat My lord, you are perfect. *'Tulio': Oh, well. Go on. *'Tzekel-Kan': But in your perfection, you cannot know how imperfect humans are. Like snakes they are. Spineless and slippery. They are as untrustworthy as rats, stealing and cheating with no remorse. a pear, spitting out Spinning webs of lies, like spiders! a spider *'Tulio': Stop it! That's disgusting. *'Tzekel-Kan': They're beyond disgusting! *'Tulio': Yeah, yeah, way beyond. *'Tzekel-Kan': Then we're in agreement. I'll begin the necessary preparations immediately. Now, do you wish to have your victims bound to an altar, or would you prefer them free-range? *''mutters'' *'Tzekel-Kan': And will you be devouring their essence whole, or piece by piece? *'Tulio': Tzekel, you lost me. *'Tzekel-Kan': My lord, these people will not respect you if they do not fear you. *'Tulio': And, of course, we'll make them fear us by... *'Tzekel-Kan': A sacrifice, as it is prophesied. The history of the Age of the Jaguar will be written in... *'Tulio': Ink? *'Tzekel-Kan': Blood! *'Tulio': Blood! Oh, right. Of course. I should probably consult with Lord Miguel. This is fairly important stuff. I, um, should discuss the entire, uh, blood issue right away. Excuse us, won't you? Let's go. *''both walk down'' *'Tzekel-Kan': chuckling Finally, we're connecting. *''back to Cortes and the guards, looking at the bird shape'' *'Cortes': the guards This way. *''back to El Dorado, playing with the ball, running to Miguel'' *'Tulio': ball hits on his head What do you think you're doing? *'Miguel': chuckling Lying low. *'Tulio': grunting Look, change of plans. We have to grab what we can carry and get out of here now! *'Miguel': What? Why? *'Tulio': Because the high priest is nuts! He wants... *'Tzekel-Kan': This is unacceptable! *'Tulio': Yeah. Yeah. Like he said. *'Tzekel-Kan': The gods should not be playing ball like this! *'Tulio': Well, exactly! *'Tzekel-Kan': This is how the gods should play ball! *''all cheer, then they hear a horn'' *'Miguel': Well, don't blame me. *'Tulio': Miguel I blame you. *''all cheer'' *'Tulio': What is the object of this game, pray tell? *'Chel': You've gotta knock the ball through the hoop. *'Tulio': What hoop? *'Chel': That hoop. *''all look at the hoop'' *'Tulio': That's impossible. We're gonna lose. *'Chel': Gods don't lose. *''snaps his fingers, then the men run up'' *'Men': Heep-ha! *'Tzekel-Kan': My lords, Chief Tannabok's warriors are the finest ballplayers in the city. Fifteen mere mortals against two gods. *''both gulp'' *'Tzekel-Kan': I realize it's a bit uneven... *'Men': Heep-ha! *'Tzekel-Kan': ...but I do hope they'll challenge you enough to make the game interesting. Play ball! *''crowd cheer, then Tzekel-Kan puts a brown ball on the ground'' *'Tzekel-Kan': Crush them into the dust. chuckling Enjoy. *'Crowd': chanting Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! *''men run up to Tulio and Miguel, kicking the brown ball, dodging the brown ball'' *'Chel': D'oh. D'oh. *''men watch the brown ball bounce'' *'Tzekel-Kan': My lords, were you supposed to put the ball into play? *'Tulio': Ohh! Well, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We were merely demonstrating the, um, traditional, uh, first avoidance maneuver. *'Tzekel-Kan': Ah. I've never heard such a thing. *'Miguel': Excuse me. Who invented this game? *'Tzekel-Kan': Why the gods... chuckling ...of course. *'Tulio': I'm warning you, don't push your luck with this guy. *'Miguel': But, Tulio, we're the gods. a brown ball at the men, then kicking the ball, knocking their butts, hitting the wall *'Chel': Tulio! The hip! The hip! *''knocks the ball, hitting the wall'' *'Tulio': panting This is impossible. *''man kicks the brown ball in the hoop, then they cheer, blowing the horn, then they groan, putting the gold on'' *'Miguel': Excuse me? *'Men': Heep... Haaa! *''man puts another gold on'' *'Men': Heep-ha! Heep-ha! Heep-ha! Heep-ha! *''men run by Tulio and Miguel, then they both groan, then they play with a ball, showing the gold, making it nine, then the men grab the brown ball'' *'Chel': Foul! That was a foul! *''men grab the brown ball, bouncing by Chel'' *'Warrior': New ball! *''both pant'' *'Tulio': How long does this go on anyway? *'Chel': The game is over when the shadow touches this line. *'Miguel': We need a miracle. *'Tulio': No, we need to cheat. Bibo *''men try to grab Bibo, rolling around Miguel, landing in the wheel'' *'Both': Yes! *''crowd cheer, then they hear a horn, then the men knock Bibo into the hoop *'Both': Huh? *''men kick Bibo, then Tulio kicks Bibo into the hoop, then Tzekel-Kan claps *'Chel': Whoo-hoo-hoo! *''kicks the Bibo in the hoop *'Both': Ole! *''kicks Bibo into the hoop, then they kick their butts, kicking Bibo on the hoop, rolling around, bouncing back and forth *'Tzekel-Kan': Hmm. *''men stand up, showing the gold, because it's a tie *'Chel': Yes! laughing *'Miguel': Who's the god? *'Tulio': You de god. Bibo *'Miguel': No, you the god. *'Tulio': No, you de god. *'Miguel': Fine. *''bounces in a ball bin, then Chel takes a brown ball to Tulio and Miguel *'Chel': Yeah! Yeah! *''coughs, then the brown ball bounces by Tulio and Miguel, then Altivo flies the brown ball to Tulio and Miguel, pounding the ball on his hands *'Chel': Guys, it's here! It's right here with me! *''brown ball hits Tulio, then they gasp, hitting Miguel, kicking the ball in the hoop, then they gasp, then they all gasp, then Bibo chitters, then they look at the brown ball in the hoop, then Altivo taps the wall, letting the brown ball fall down, then they all cheer, then blowing a horn *'Tzekel-Kan': I love this game! Category:Transcripts Category:DreamWorks Animation Transcripts Category:DreamWorks Transcripts